Emotions, emotions, emotions.
Being about to understand another person's emotions is undoubtedly valuable. However, there is a fine line between understand how someone feels and taking on that emotion yourself.
Let me give you an example. Your want to go out with your friends, you value your friends and haven't spent time with them for ages. However, you have a 2 year old that only goes to sleep if you tuck them in. You feel guilty, so you don't go out with your friends and stick to the usual routine.
The thought that you have missed meeting your own needs misses you, and you continue to put others first. Is this why we sometimes lose ourselves and our sense of identity? Is this actually the basis for 'mid life crisis'?
It's time to free yourself of the guilt. I understand the 2 year old cannot probably communicate that they are fixed in a routine and that they are uncertain of how they can continue to feel safe, seen and secure without you.
However, you can communicate this to them. You can say that you value time with your friends and that you need to do this to connect with other people. You can say that I will make sure you are safe as grandma will be here with you. You can say that they will be seen and that you will come a kiss them goodnight when you return. You can say that they are secure and you will see them in the morning.
They may not like you the decision but we all need to learn to deal with decisions we do not like. They may cry, they may not sleep well. But they will accept over time, you can do things without them. And what a great life skill they are learning.
You are allowed to take care of your needs and other people are allowed to get upset by them. This is confidence. This is you reconnecting with your values and putting your needs first.
So, the next time you feel guilt or feel you are taking on someone else emotions. Take a breath. Give that emotion back to them, and proceed compassionately towards them and yourself.
